I swear I tried. I really did. But in the end, disaster struck.
The day started awesome. We went to the zoo early and I had a game plan to prevent major meltdowns which would result in me having no fun. Step 1: ride the train immediately (reward self internally for buying year long train pass), Step 2: reride train since no one is at zoo yet, Step 3: go to the playground for snacktime and bathroom break, Step 4: exhaust kids with walk around zoo and make Kai push twins (he actually kept pushing my hands away saying "no Mommy"), Step 4: take the train for 1 last time before riding the tantrum wave out to the car.
We all went home, ate, and most of us napped. Well, Kai and I napped, the twins were reeking havoc on their room. But it was all good, because then we went to the pool on base, you know...just rounding out a great day with one of their favorite activities. How do I safely deal with 3 kids at a pool you ask? Easy, Kai wears the life vest and is self sufficient, while I'm in the pool close by catching the twins as they take turns jumping in. Piece of cake! Anytime there's a bathroom issue, everyone goes together. No problem. I'm supermom! F-yeah! Take that F-ing Martha Stewart! Oh, how the prideful fall...
So we'd already gone to the bathroom twice. Once to change the diapers that had become waterlogged and the second because Kai jumped out of the pool yelling, "Go poopy!". So I figured we were set, let's continue the fun. Yeah, that was until Ayla stands up on the side of the pool, reaches around, grabs her butt and yells "Poopy" as it's exploding out the back of her diaper! I quickly jump out of the pool, grab Ayla and whisper "no more poopy, wait for the potty" (cause that's gonna work), grab Orion's hand and walk--no running at the pool--very quickly to the bathroom. Of course, Ayla couldn't wait and there was a mess to be had in her suit that reminded me of why I'm a psych nurse and not a ward nurse. I get her to the potty, try and unstick the wet suit from her without distributing poop everywhere, and the whole time Ayla is looking at me and yelling, "Yucky poopy, hooray potty!" I thought we had it all contained on her body and suit, so clean up was a matter of shower and potty. Meanwhile, Kai had been left in the pool to fend for himself, which wasn't a big deal, kid had a life jacket on and he swims.
Ayla is clean, and I lead everyone out of the bathroom. Perfect timing because they had just started the routine "kid time out". Apparently the pool makes all the kids get out every 2 hours as a forced rest. However, Kai is not out and the lifeguard is at the edge trying fruitlessly to get him out. Yeah, right. I walk quickly over there and get him out, take the vest off and enforce a 'Kai's done for the night' policy. I'm looking around the pool area and all of a sudden I see 2 life guards with a spray bottle and toilet brush. It's only then I realize that we aren't in a 'kid time out', we are in an 'Ayla pooped in the pool' time out!!! Yes, my little girl cleared an Olympic sized swimming pool! I didn't even think she managed to mess in the water; I was wrong. I was reminded of the scene in Caddy Shack as I quickly determined that pool time was definately over for everyone.
There comes a time in your life as a parent where, if you allowed yourself to be any more embarassed your head would explode from the pressure of public scrutiny. So parents either choose to have early heart attacks or they run for the car pretending that their kid didn't just poop in the pool. I'm glad I've been doing more cardio lately.
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