I knew these 2 things to be true when we left Colorado: 1. All the trailer tires were new and 2. I was not afraid of the grass.
The best thing about the Tom Sawyer RV park in Memphis is that it is right on the Mississippi River and at times under it (no really, it floods). Morning was spent watching the river and being hypervigilant about possible bug attacks from any patch of green. I'm just going to always wear boots...everywhere. We went to breakfast at the Arcade Diner in the historic part of town and enjoyed sweet potato pancakes while watching the trolley cars go by. How could we possibly be so blase and act like tourists with a well worn spare tire and a long road to drive? Well, the second best thing about the Tom Sawyer RV park is that they have an RV tire guy that comes and replaces your tires at your campsite!! So we relaxed, did laundry, and replaced 2 tires.
I had time to explore cures for my newly diagnosed hastenburaphobia and unfortunately covering myself with honey and laying on a bed of fire ants in a severe form of exposure therapy is not gonna cut it. I'll just stay away from the grass.
I am happy to report that the lovely drive through Mississippi and Alabama (it is pretty) was uneventful: no weird truck stops, no vehicle issues, and the kids were angels. They probably discovered that I now have melted silver in syringe blow darts just waiting for their transformations and are keeping the madness in check. Whatever works. We only heard "Ready Get Out" from Kai once or twice.
However, our hopes for a good year were raised when we passed through Birmingham, home of Vulcan Liquor. Now, being a Vulcan store and sporting the 'Mr.Spock 4 finger split gang sign' is cool. But even better is that the large billboard also infomed us that they have drive through....draft beer!!! What?! I can get an open glass full of beer and then drive away with it?! Oh, wait, no. Vulcan's don't drive, they teleport! That makes much more sense because who in their right mind would serve drivers alcohol? Well, apparently it's Birmingham. We are totally going back there.
We pulled into our new home late, but neighbors were still awake and social. The wild, ferral children took advantage of my distraction to emerge and terrorize the neighbors (meaning climbing on her scooter and trying to get into her trailer, the boys must have sensed she was single...dirty little monkeys). However, the neighbor had a quick defense in the form of a 7 month old dog named Ella. It worked and the kids didn't mind being tied up at all, and we could all enjoy libations and conversation. Just kidding, we didn't drink that much.
Now that we are here and I'm sure there will be less excitement (haha), I may not post nightly, so please sign up to follow me or just watch FB. Although if this trip was any indication, I'm sure that there will be 'naked children running wild through camp' stories or 'the day "Lonnie" melted from humidity' (he's already whining like a little girl about it), or more likely 'when alligators attack'. Only time will tell.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The Legend of Toad Suck or The Attack of the Fire Ants?
So what's worse than changing a tire in 107 degree heat in the middle of nowhere Kansas? Changing a tire in 109 degree heat on the side of the highway in Arkansas! But more on that later.
We made decent time in the morning, our breakdown procedures continue to improve and we were able to park the trailer at a Target and head to the Pea Ridge Battlefield by 1000.
*** HISTORY LESSON ALERT*** The following paragraphs contains historical facts concerning The War of Northern Aggression (we are in the South now ya'll) and various Arkansas state locales. Reading this information will not harm you in any way and all content is Rated G (that's only for the historical stuff, not anything else I write).
So I spent all this time telling "Lonnie" about Pea Ridge ahead of time, how it was in 1864 and it was a pivotal western battle and Grant was the hero...blah blah blah. So we get to the visitors center and it's already 90-something degrees. We go to the counter and I ask the Ranger, trying to sound all smart, if there will be a big event for the 150th Anniversary of Pea Ridge. He said "It was this past March, we about 10000 reenacters." I was really confused and I asked,
Me:"Pea Ridge was in 1862? I thought it was in '64."
Ranger: "Nope, '62",
Me: "So, Grant wouldn't have been involved? No, of course not...",
Smug Ranger: "No, the leading general was McCollough."
I'm thinking I'm some kind of moron and the Ranger must agree, but at this point I'm feeling so weird being so off with Civil War facts (after all, it's my graduate frickin degree) that all I can say is, "I must be thinking of another western battle." The Ranger looks unsympathetic and not a bit convinced that I know anything about history, so he just nods. Wow. Shaking my head, we gather the wild, ferral children and head outside for a battlefield tromp. It is never too early to start hiking battlefields with your children and by the excitment that mine exhibited, there is hope for their historical futures. That's because they are amused by finding sticks. When they are teenagers, I expect history-based vacations may invoke insomnia and whining. Pea Ridge was a major battle for Missouri's place in the CW, and although a technical Union victory, really it was more of a draw, and the result was Missouri stayed neutral throughout the war. Because it was hot, the tromp wasn't long, but well received. Back in the Sally's lovely AC, we returned to our parked trailer.
Trailer hooked (despite some douchbag parking almost right in front of it...in an empty parking lot!), we were on our way. Making great time, I started thinking that today was going to be great. I start looking up historical landmarks along our course, and I see that the Battle of Shiloh is along our route. Suddenly, a wave of memory comes over me and I realize that I was mistaking Pea Ridge for Shiloh! Of course!! Everyone knows that Grant was at Shiloh! It was pivotal, but still in 1862, not '64. But who really can keep track of all those dates anyway.
Of course, I had a similar contented feeling yesterday prior to the tire going flat. We were on Highway 40, well-behaved truck children are sleeping blissfully, when suddenly an explosion on our passenger side had us both alert and searching for the IED. I see in my mirror the rubber hanging out from the tire region and "Lonnie" and I agree that we blew a tire. Frick. We quickly pull over and I get out to see the shreds that are left and some damage to the rear wheel well. Double frick. However, like a professional pit crew, we had that tire changed in no time. I spent most of the effort trying in vain to find a new tire only to discover that the only thing more annoying about Kansas closing at noon on Saturday is that Arkansas is completely closed on Sunday. Is there no work ethic in the US anymore? Sigh. Walmart's were open, but didn't have our tire. We made it to the town of Conway and "Lonnie" did pressure and heat checks on all the tires while I took the still-behaved children, now awake, to a Burger King play area. Because there were no options for new tires, we decided to play "Pray the Tire Holds" again, and press on to Memphis. I'm happy to say the spare is holding.
As we were leaving Conway and enjoying our Starbucks, we drove past a sign that said Toad Suck Park, and all the Starbucks came out my nose. Not the best way to enjoy a beverage, but we seriously thought the sign was a joke. Enter Google, who informed us that the town (it's a town?!) of Toad Suck is named after river men along the Arkansas River who would frequent the taverns and "Suck their bottles back so hard they blew up like toads", ergo the town name. Double wow. We were also fortunate to pass a huge traffic jam and witnessed a motorhome towing a pickup hauling a golf cart. It was the Turduckin of the RV world!!! So cool.
We get to our awesome Memphis RV place much much later than planned, but we just catch the spectacular sunset and evening views right on the Mississippi River. Set up is going great and the kids are behaving (meaning they haven't discoved the river yet), when "Lonnie" calls for my help. He got sprayed with the sewer hose and needed help. Ick and hahahahaha! I come over and undo the clean water hose and I'm watching for the kids when "Lonnie" says, "I'm turning the water on". It's not until he is soaking wet that I realize I had the hose aimed right at him!! I bend over laughing at His Royal Wetness, when he grabs the hose from me and gives me a good spray as I run away in hysterics. Hee hee. I start to witness the transformation of my kids to the wild-ferral children (maybe it's a moon thing) and as I'm grabbing Orion from the neighbors front door, I hear Ayla screaming bloody murder and running/hopping on one foot and grabbing at it. Oh crap, what happened. I put one screaming child down, pick up Ayla and run inside to discover that she is crawling with fire ants!!! She's hysterical and I'm unnerved as I try to dislodge the violent attackers and reign a massacre on them for biting my baby. Little buggers are impossible to kill! I finally defeat their offensive and examine Ayla's legs. There are over 20 bites on her. Thankfully, a little Benadryl and a bath cures everything, and we were able to enjoy Olympics and Chinese food (no crockpot today). And watch the river barges floating along to Dire Straits 'Calling Elvis'.
We made decent time in the morning, our breakdown procedures continue to improve and we were able to park the trailer at a Target and head to the Pea Ridge Battlefield by 1000.
*** HISTORY LESSON ALERT*** The following paragraphs contains historical facts concerning The War of Northern Aggression (we are in the South now ya'll) and various Arkansas state locales. Reading this information will not harm you in any way and all content is Rated G (that's only for the historical stuff, not anything else I write).
So I spent all this time telling "Lonnie" about Pea Ridge ahead of time, how it was in 1864 and it was a pivotal western battle and Grant was the hero...blah blah blah. So we get to the visitors center and it's already 90-something degrees. We go to the counter and I ask the Ranger, trying to sound all smart, if there will be a big event for the 150th Anniversary of Pea Ridge. He said "It was this past March, we about 10000 reenacters." I was really confused and I asked,
Me:"Pea Ridge was in 1862? I thought it was in '64."
Ranger: "Nope, '62",
Me: "So, Grant wouldn't have been involved? No, of course not...",
Smug Ranger: "No, the leading general was McCollough."
I'm thinking I'm some kind of moron and the Ranger must agree, but at this point I'm feeling so weird being so off with Civil War facts (after all, it's my graduate frickin degree) that all I can say is, "I must be thinking of another western battle." The Ranger looks unsympathetic and not a bit convinced that I know anything about history, so he just nods. Wow. Shaking my head, we gather the wild, ferral children and head outside for a battlefield tromp. It is never too early to start hiking battlefields with your children and by the excitment that mine exhibited, there is hope for their historical futures. That's because they are amused by finding sticks. When they are teenagers, I expect history-based vacations may invoke insomnia and whining. Pea Ridge was a major battle for Missouri's place in the CW, and although a technical Union victory, really it was more of a draw, and the result was Missouri stayed neutral throughout the war. Because it was hot, the tromp wasn't long, but well received. Back in the Sally's lovely AC, we returned to our parked trailer.
Trailer hooked (despite some douchbag parking almost right in front of it...in an empty parking lot!), we were on our way. Making great time, I started thinking that today was going to be great. I start looking up historical landmarks along our course, and I see that the Battle of Shiloh is along our route. Suddenly, a wave of memory comes over me and I realize that I was mistaking Pea Ridge for Shiloh! Of course!! Everyone knows that Grant was at Shiloh! It was pivotal, but still in 1862, not '64. But who really can keep track of all those dates anyway.
Of course, I had a similar contented feeling yesterday prior to the tire going flat. We were on Highway 40, well-behaved truck children are sleeping blissfully, when suddenly an explosion on our passenger side had us both alert and searching for the IED. I see in my mirror the rubber hanging out from the tire region and "Lonnie" and I agree that we blew a tire. Frick. We quickly pull over and I get out to see the shreds that are left and some damage to the rear wheel well. Double frick. However, like a professional pit crew, we had that tire changed in no time. I spent most of the effort trying in vain to find a new tire only to discover that the only thing more annoying about Kansas closing at noon on Saturday is that Arkansas is completely closed on Sunday. Is there no work ethic in the US anymore? Sigh. Walmart's were open, but didn't have our tire. We made it to the town of Conway and "Lonnie" did pressure and heat checks on all the tires while I took the still-behaved children, now awake, to a Burger King play area. Because there were no options for new tires, we decided to play "Pray the Tire Holds" again, and press on to Memphis. I'm happy to say the spare is holding.
As we were leaving Conway and enjoying our Starbucks, we drove past a sign that said Toad Suck Park, and all the Starbucks came out my nose. Not the best way to enjoy a beverage, but we seriously thought the sign was a joke. Enter Google, who informed us that the town (it's a town?!) of Toad Suck is named after river men along the Arkansas River who would frequent the taverns and "Suck their bottles back so hard they blew up like toads", ergo the town name. Double wow. We were also fortunate to pass a huge traffic jam and witnessed a motorhome towing a pickup hauling a golf cart. It was the Turduckin of the RV world!!! So cool.
We get to our awesome Memphis RV place much much later than planned, but we just catch the spectacular sunset and evening views right on the Mississippi River. Set up is going great and the kids are behaving (meaning they haven't discoved the river yet), when "Lonnie" calls for my help. He got sprayed with the sewer hose and needed help. Ick and hahahahaha! I come over and undo the clean water hose and I'm watching for the kids when "Lonnie" says, "I'm turning the water on". It's not until he is soaking wet that I realize I had the hose aimed right at him!! I bend over laughing at His Royal Wetness, when he grabs the hose from me and gives me a good spray as I run away in hysterics. Hee hee. I start to witness the transformation of my kids to the wild-ferral children (maybe it's a moon thing) and as I'm grabbing Orion from the neighbors front door, I hear Ayla screaming bloody murder and running/hopping on one foot and grabbing at it. Oh crap, what happened. I put one screaming child down, pick up Ayla and run inside to discover that she is crawling with fire ants!!! She's hysterical and I'm unnerved as I try to dislodge the violent attackers and reign a massacre on them for biting my baby. Little buggers are impossible to kill! I finally defeat their offensive and examine Ayla's legs. There are over 20 bites on her. Thankfully, a little Benadryl and a bath cures everything, and we were able to enjoy Olympics and Chinese food (no crockpot today). And watch the river barges floating along to Dire Straits 'Calling Elvis'.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Travel Day 2: The Tire
We all needed sleep. So we all slept in. And then that whole time change thing. We left about an hour and a half later than I planned. "Lonnie" insists I need to communicate these things to him. I insisted right back than when we woke up at 0830 and said "we need to leave by 9" was fair warning. I was wrong. But really, when you have 3 little kids and 6+ hours of daily driving, you can't frickin leave at 1030 and expect a timely arrival anywhere! I shouldn't need to have some epic planning conversation about that. Needless to say, I was annoyed. But at least we were able to practice our 'trailer breakdown' procedure and generally it went well. RV mistake Number 1 avoided: we didn't leave the anntenae up.
We hit the road and my well-behaved truck children reappeared. Movie was watched, quick rest stop taking, and we were making great time when the kids fell asleep. "Lonnie" and I amused ourselves playing 'Identify the Agriculture' game as we spent our 2nd day in Kansas (which is actually the longest I've ever been in Kansas). 'Identity the Agriculture' goes something like this:
Me: Wow, that whole field of corn is dead
Him: Did you say something?
Me: I wonder what those green plants are...too late for peas...
Him: Strawberries?
Me: No, duh, it's too late for strawberries, must be a root veggie, fall harvest...too small for summer
Me: Man, I really want to know what they are. Oh, here's another dead cornfield
Him: Well, they let it die to dry out and then harvest it dry for corn meal and such...
Me: Oh yeah, that makes sense...looks, there's a live corn field...
And so on until your brain melts. However, south eastern Kansas is much prettier than the rest of the state. But the temperature fluctuated between 104-107 all day, making nothing pretty but the air conditioned cab of Sally (the name of the truck. I say Mustang Sally, "Lonnie" insists on Long Tall Sally, irrelevant since I'm right). We were able to get in a quick pit stop while the kids slept when "Lonnie" mentions that one of the trailer tires looks bad, "the cord is showing". Now, I don't know what that looks like, but in the middle of nowhere Kansas, I'm more concered about just getting out alive so I ask "What does that mean?". He says, "We'll need a new tire soon, look online for tire shops". In the middle of nowhere I'm gonna find a tire shop??? OK, I'll give this a shot. I do some online magic and find a few auto places about 30 minutes away. I call the first one and a nice guy answers the phone. I explain that I'm looking for a particular tire and he says, "Well, we're acutally closed today and won't open again until Monday" (then why the heck are you answering the phone?!). I ask if other places might be open and he says "well, everything closes at noon on Saturday, so probably not. What tire do you need?" I explain it, he doesn't have it, but I honestly think he would have opened up to help us if he did. Kansans are nice. But really, close at noon on Saturday? Are we in frickin Germany or something? I feel a bizarre flashback lingering in my mind...
I try a few more places and nothing happens. So we look in Joplin Missouri, the nearest big town and the Goodyear Tire place had what we needed. Cool, we're an hour out...no problem. "Lonnie" and I are reliving a time in Germany (that flashback came full circle!) when we were almost out of gas in the middle of the night and unable to find anyplace that was open. We actually stopped talking at one point just to conserve gas. Yeah, I know, but we thought it would help at the time. So, here again we were, somewhere that unreasonably respects family time and closes unfunctionably early for people with a mission. Sigh. We changed from 'Identify the Agriculture' to 'Pray the Tire Holds' when we noticed that it finally went flat. Well shit. It's 107 degrees outside and nothing but 1 and 2 lane roads for miles. Oh, and the jack was under that kids seats...who were still sleeping. Luckily, as we were pulling down a side road, they woke up. "Lonnie" grabbed the jack, I grabbed the kids, and our seemless effort in trailer tire changing really is rivaled only by NASCAR! I popped the kids in the trailer with popcorn and AC, then helped "Lonnie" with the tire. The ground burned to the touch it was so hot. A friendly stranger did stop and about had apoplexy that a girl was turning lug nuts, so he helped "Lonnie" while I gladly staying in the AC'd trailer. Pays to have a uterus sometimes!
After a remarkably short time, we were done. Then I noticed that the field next to us was that short green plant. Oh, maybe I can finally win the game!! I went over to investigate and short of digging up somebody's field, I determined the plants to be potatoes. Don't know if I'm right, but that's what they are. Merely potatoes. My curiosity satisfied, we head to Joplin, only to realize that it was almost 5pm and we are still 30 minutes away. I call the Goodyear store and those wonderful people agreed to stay late to put on a new tire for us!!! I sent a raving review to the Goodyear people.
Despite all that craziness, we arrived at our destination in Arkansas only 1 hour late. We decided to forgoe an evening battlefield tromp at Pea Ridge for beers and a walk with the wild, ferral children who seem to always appear when released from the captivity of the car seat. But I will say, the greatest thing about a trailer is that your kitchen is right there, and I actually had dinner cooking in the crockpot all day!! So once we parked, dinner was served. So great. It made that evening walk with the wild, ferral children enjoyable because we caught the sunset and some Olympic majesty. Day 2, a relative success.
We hit the road and my well-behaved truck children reappeared. Movie was watched, quick rest stop taking, and we were making great time when the kids fell asleep. "Lonnie" and I amused ourselves playing 'Identify the Agriculture' game as we spent our 2nd day in Kansas (which is actually the longest I've ever been in Kansas). 'Identity the Agriculture' goes something like this:
Me: Wow, that whole field of corn is dead
Him: Did you say something?
Me: I wonder what those green plants are...too late for peas...
Him: Strawberries?
Me: No, duh, it's too late for strawberries, must be a root veggie, fall harvest...too small for summer
Me: Man, I really want to know what they are. Oh, here's another dead cornfield
Him: Well, they let it die to dry out and then harvest it dry for corn meal and such...
Me: Oh yeah, that makes sense...looks, there's a live corn field...
And so on until your brain melts. However, south eastern Kansas is much prettier than the rest of the state. But the temperature fluctuated between 104-107 all day, making nothing pretty but the air conditioned cab of Sally (the name of the truck. I say Mustang Sally, "Lonnie" insists on Long Tall Sally, irrelevant since I'm right). We were able to get in a quick pit stop while the kids slept when "Lonnie" mentions that one of the trailer tires looks bad, "the cord is showing". Now, I don't know what that looks like, but in the middle of nowhere Kansas, I'm more concered about just getting out alive so I ask "What does that mean?". He says, "We'll need a new tire soon, look online for tire shops". In the middle of nowhere I'm gonna find a tire shop??? OK, I'll give this a shot. I do some online magic and find a few auto places about 30 minutes away. I call the first one and a nice guy answers the phone. I explain that I'm looking for a particular tire and he says, "Well, we're acutally closed today and won't open again until Monday" (then why the heck are you answering the phone?!). I ask if other places might be open and he says "well, everything closes at noon on Saturday, so probably not. What tire do you need?" I explain it, he doesn't have it, but I honestly think he would have opened up to help us if he did. Kansans are nice. But really, close at noon on Saturday? Are we in frickin Germany or something? I feel a bizarre flashback lingering in my mind...
I try a few more places and nothing happens. So we look in Joplin Missouri, the nearest big town and the Goodyear Tire place had what we needed. Cool, we're an hour out...no problem. "Lonnie" and I are reliving a time in Germany (that flashback came full circle!) when we were almost out of gas in the middle of the night and unable to find anyplace that was open. We actually stopped talking at one point just to conserve gas. Yeah, I know, but we thought it would help at the time. So, here again we were, somewhere that unreasonably respects family time and closes unfunctionably early for people with a mission. Sigh. We changed from 'Identify the Agriculture' to 'Pray the Tire Holds' when we noticed that it finally went flat. Well shit. It's 107 degrees outside and nothing but 1 and 2 lane roads for miles. Oh, and the jack was under that kids seats...who were still sleeping. Luckily, as we were pulling down a side road, they woke up. "Lonnie" grabbed the jack, I grabbed the kids, and our seemless effort in trailer tire changing really is rivaled only by NASCAR! I popped the kids in the trailer with popcorn and AC, then helped "Lonnie" with the tire. The ground burned to the touch it was so hot. A friendly stranger did stop and about had apoplexy that a girl was turning lug nuts, so he helped "Lonnie" while I gladly staying in the AC'd trailer. Pays to have a uterus sometimes!
After a remarkably short time, we were done. Then I noticed that the field next to us was that short green plant. Oh, maybe I can finally win the game!! I went over to investigate and short of digging up somebody's field, I determined the plants to be potatoes. Don't know if I'm right, but that's what they are. Merely potatoes. My curiosity satisfied, we head to Joplin, only to realize that it was almost 5pm and we are still 30 minutes away. I call the Goodyear store and those wonderful people agreed to stay late to put on a new tire for us!!! I sent a raving review to the Goodyear people.
Despite all that craziness, we arrived at our destination in Arkansas only 1 hour late. We decided to forgoe an evening battlefield tromp at Pea Ridge for beers and a walk with the wild, ferral children who seem to always appear when released from the captivity of the car seat. But I will say, the greatest thing about a trailer is that your kitchen is right there, and I actually had dinner cooking in the crockpot all day!! So once we parked, dinner was served. So great. It made that evening walk with the wild, ferral children enjoyable because we caught the sunset and some Olympic majesty. Day 2, a relative success.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Travel Day 1.5
We planned to leave Friday. But we had to weigh the truck and trailer (for military purposes), and the only place to do that was in town. We don't live in town. So, I had already planned to be in town to meet some members of my unit who were in town doing work at the Air Force Academy. We decided that we would go to town, weigh the camper, meet for dinner, and then get an hour or two on the road.
Well, we kind of did that. The nice thing about having a deadline in the evening, is that you are less likely to linger to collect odds-n-ends. Which means that I left my retainers and the dish soap at home. Sigh, the retainers will have to be sent. I was late to dinner, and "Lonnie" followed later with the family and camper so that he could do the finishing packing touches. When he finally got to the restaurant, the twins were asleep and Kai was covered in layers of filth normally saved for characteres in Mark Twain novels. I had warned my buddies that the kids would be dirty from playing outside, but when Kai came in, Higgins said "wow, you weren't kidding. He looks like a Dickens novel!" We collected our food to go and hit the road about an hour later than "Lonnie" hoped. Long roadtrips always leave late, so I didn't stress about that too much. We planned to stay the first night in a Flying J travel plaza, not a TA one because that just brought back strange memories from back home. I always thought the TA truck stop was an "evil place" for no apparent reason, and would avoid it. It didn't help that we were all told stories of men picking up Lot Lizards (hookers) and preying on young girls. Nuff said, I'll go to Flying J. In retrospec, I wonder if this was a brillant marketing scheme by Flying J...or the TA was really just that creepy.
Anyway, we wanted to test the truck's navigation system and put in the Flying J. Partway to Nebraska, we knew we missed it and you cann't just whip a 40' trailer in a quick U-ie on a dark 2 lane country road. So I had to get out and help "Lonnie" back the trailer onto the road from a cross street, no street lights, in the middle of cannible country. Did I mention I was still in my dress and heels from dinner? We are already really late and very tired. Stupid Ford navigation! And I already had bonded with the truck and knew she was a girl, but for cripes sakes, did she really have to fall into the "girls can't tell directions" stereotype. Ugh. We finally made it, partially set up in the parking lot, and tried to sleep. Except at this point, all the kids had been asleep for about 5 hours and were TOTALLY EXCITED AND READY TO START A NEW DAY, not taking into account that it's 1 am. Everyone did finally fall asleep in a pile and Night 1 was achieved!
Day 1 started fine: pancakes, wet wipe baths (the shower is full of packed laundry and swim gear), and on the road! The kids were great, really great the whole day. My only adventure was at a truck stop. I went in to have some private alone time and as I'm sitting there, contemplating my future, some lady comes in and as she leaves she turns the lights out!! In a public restroom! So I'm sitting there, in the dark. I can't see anything and I don't have my phone to call for help or to use as a light. I verbally yelled "Hey, I'm in here! Turn on the lights!" To no avail. My future is no longer a concern. I'm not sure how long I actually sat in the dark trying to figure out the best way to deal with things, when finally someone came in and turned the lights on. I quickly finished things and went out, to prevent another incident, and was washing my hands when my savior exited her stall. Always one to strike up a bathroom conversation I said "I glad you came in! I was totally just sitting in the dark because someone turned the lights out", she said, "Yeah, I was wondering why it was dark, and then when I turned the lights on I saw feet in the stall and realized that someone had been sitting in the dark", I said "yeah, and I wasn't quite sure what to do about it either, but now I know how people die at truck stops, they are left in dark bathrooms to rot!" We left the bathroom better and wiser people.
We arrived at our first RV park ever!! When I told the RV park guy that he was skeptical and became suspicious. I'm not sure if it was my excitement about it or concern that we were going to blow the place up. Hmm. It's a small and quite place in Kansas, with a little lake. The wild, ferrel children replaced my well-behaved truck children and immediately headed for the lake, tormenting other campers on the way (meaning they petted a dog). The lake was fun and I was taking some pictures thinking, "wow, RVing is great", until...Orion slipped in the mud and got covered, and then Kai started chasing the geese, all the kids ended up in the muddy water, and Ayla whacked me with a muddy stick and lake-fun-time was over! Good friends of our family recommended 2 things to have in an RV, an awning (which was useful at our lunch stop) and an outdoor shower. Boy was I happy for that outdoor shower!! Night 2 ended after the Olympic Ceremony (hooray for trailer TVs) and with only mild threats to their future existences, the wild, ferrel children calmed down and slept. In a pile...like wolf pups.
Well, we kind of did that. The nice thing about having a deadline in the evening, is that you are less likely to linger to collect odds-n-ends. Which means that I left my retainers and the dish soap at home. Sigh, the retainers will have to be sent. I was late to dinner, and "Lonnie" followed later with the family and camper so that he could do the finishing packing touches. When he finally got to the restaurant, the twins were asleep and Kai was covered in layers of filth normally saved for characteres in Mark Twain novels. I had warned my buddies that the kids would be dirty from playing outside, but when Kai came in, Higgins said "wow, you weren't kidding. He looks like a Dickens novel!" We collected our food to go and hit the road about an hour later than "Lonnie" hoped. Long roadtrips always leave late, so I didn't stress about that too much. We planned to stay the first night in a Flying J travel plaza, not a TA one because that just brought back strange memories from back home. I always thought the TA truck stop was an "evil place" for no apparent reason, and would avoid it. It didn't help that we were all told stories of men picking up Lot Lizards (hookers) and preying on young girls. Nuff said, I'll go to Flying J. In retrospec, I wonder if this was a brillant marketing scheme by Flying J...or the TA was really just that creepy.
Anyway, we wanted to test the truck's navigation system and put in the Flying J. Partway to Nebraska, we knew we missed it and you cann't just whip a 40' trailer in a quick U-ie on a dark 2 lane country road. So I had to get out and help "Lonnie" back the trailer onto the road from a cross street, no street lights, in the middle of cannible country. Did I mention I was still in my dress and heels from dinner? We are already really late and very tired. Stupid Ford navigation! And I already had bonded with the truck and knew she was a girl, but for cripes sakes, did she really have to fall into the "girls can't tell directions" stereotype. Ugh. We finally made it, partially set up in the parking lot, and tried to sleep. Except at this point, all the kids had been asleep for about 5 hours and were TOTALLY EXCITED AND READY TO START A NEW DAY, not taking into account that it's 1 am. Everyone did finally fall asleep in a pile and Night 1 was achieved!
Day 1 started fine: pancakes, wet wipe baths (the shower is full of packed laundry and swim gear), and on the road! The kids were great, really great the whole day. My only adventure was at a truck stop. I went in to have some private alone time and as I'm sitting there, contemplating my future, some lady comes in and as she leaves she turns the lights out!! In a public restroom! So I'm sitting there, in the dark. I can't see anything and I don't have my phone to call for help or to use as a light. I verbally yelled "Hey, I'm in here! Turn on the lights!" To no avail. My future is no longer a concern. I'm not sure how long I actually sat in the dark trying to figure out the best way to deal with things, when finally someone came in and turned the lights on. I quickly finished things and went out, to prevent another incident, and was washing my hands when my savior exited her stall. Always one to strike up a bathroom conversation I said "I glad you came in! I was totally just sitting in the dark because someone turned the lights out", she said, "Yeah, I was wondering why it was dark, and then when I turned the lights on I saw feet in the stall and realized that someone had been sitting in the dark", I said "yeah, and I wasn't quite sure what to do about it either, but now I know how people die at truck stops, they are left in dark bathrooms to rot!" We left the bathroom better and wiser people.
We arrived at our first RV park ever!! When I told the RV park guy that he was skeptical and became suspicious. I'm not sure if it was my excitement about it or concern that we were going to blow the place up. Hmm. It's a small and quite place in Kansas, with a little lake. The wild, ferrel children replaced my well-behaved truck children and immediately headed for the lake, tormenting other campers on the way (meaning they petted a dog). The lake was fun and I was taking some pictures thinking, "wow, RVing is great", until...Orion slipped in the mud and got covered, and then Kai started chasing the geese, all the kids ended up in the muddy water, and Ayla whacked me with a muddy stick and lake-fun-time was over! Good friends of our family recommended 2 things to have in an RV, an awning (which was useful at our lunch stop) and an outdoor shower. Boy was I happy for that outdoor shower!! Night 2 ended after the Olympic Ceremony (hooray for trailer TVs) and with only mild threats to their future existences, the wild, ferrel children calmed down and slept. In a pile...like wolf pups.
Packing a broken toe
The big joke once we bought our ginormous trailer was "How the heck are you going to get it to your house?" This was from my Dad, who also almost disowned me because the new used truck we bought to haul our monstrosity is a Ford. At that point I turned the phone over to "Lonnie" to defend his truck blasphemy. I didn't care, I just wanted to ensure that we didn't ruin the camper before we even started out. See, our property is mountainous and the driveway is dirt, with trees and an uneven path. "Lonnie" insisted that he could cut a few branches and then "swing it around" once we got it near the house. Sorry, but the driveway is also fenced in areas and the only swinging that was going to happen in our driveway involved the local cow herd that uses our land for open range. The cows would swing, not us with the cows....you people are sick! Anyway, I could tell that the trailer would not fit in driveway and it wasn't until we took out a 40' string and walked the route, that "Lonnie" agreed that the camper will have to stay in the yard.
No problem with that really, and I was able to start loading right away. Except, with a trailer that big it was hard not to try and pack everything! Which I did anyway. The only kitchen items I left were the porcelin plates (not good for camping!) and my entertaining paraphenalia, because I don't really expect to be having large dinner parties, but who knows...we did bring the turkey fryer...and it is Alabama... All my shoes fit.
Well, one week into the packing and one week before we were set to leave, I get a frantic call from my loving husband which sounded like "Skoijnsdf nadoh ER!" All I understood was ER and I called him back to discover that special boy had been at the gym and dropped a weight on his toe. To this, my friend Rochelle said "see, working out is bad for you, I'm going to eat more cookies!" Not a good example, but a valid point considering the broken toe was from a weight on "Lonnie's" back! I won't even go into it, but I met him at the ER expecting (and hoping) they would drug him well and I could drive him home. Once we made it into the exam room we knew the toe was broken. The doc came in and started asking the typical "how did this happen" questions and also was examining the rest of him asking "any chest injuries, did you hit your head?" To which I entered the conversation and stated "No, but there will be when he gets home!" Without missing a beat, the doc asked "Lonnie", "Do you feel safe at home?" Of course, we smiled and explained the joke but I'm glad the doc checked, because I was not really kidding...I wanted to inflict pain because I was expecting a whole week of solo packing so that Mister Clumsy could ice and elevate. Thankfully, he didn't have to and packing resumed. Everything I planned to bring fit and the things left behind should have included the wild, ferrel children, but alas they were packed too. Kai tried to pack himself in a box and we didn't find him until he was quiet for too long and we went looking (expecting disaster) only to find him stuck in a box :) I do have a picture of that, because nice parents free their children from their mistakes. Awesome parents take pictures!
No problem with that really, and I was able to start loading right away. Except, with a trailer that big it was hard not to try and pack everything! Which I did anyway. The only kitchen items I left were the porcelin plates (not good for camping!) and my entertaining paraphenalia, because I don't really expect to be having large dinner parties, but who knows...we did bring the turkey fryer...and it is Alabama... All my shoes fit.
Well, one week into the packing and one week before we were set to leave, I get a frantic call from my loving husband which sounded like "Skoijnsdf nadoh ER!" All I understood was ER and I called him back to discover that special boy had been at the gym and dropped a weight on his toe. To this, my friend Rochelle said "see, working out is bad for you, I'm going to eat more cookies!" Not a good example, but a valid point considering the broken toe was from a weight on "Lonnie's" back! I won't even go into it, but I met him at the ER expecting (and hoping) they would drug him well and I could drive him home. Once we made it into the exam room we knew the toe was broken. The doc came in and started asking the typical "how did this happen" questions and also was examining the rest of him asking "any chest injuries, did you hit your head?" To which I entered the conversation and stated "No, but there will be when he gets home!" Without missing a beat, the doc asked "Lonnie", "Do you feel safe at home?" Of course, we smiled and explained the joke but I'm glad the doc checked, because I was not really kidding...I wanted to inflict pain because I was expecting a whole week of solo packing so that Mister Clumsy could ice and elevate. Thankfully, he didn't have to and packing resumed. Everything I planned to bring fit and the things left behind should have included the wild, ferrel children, but alas they were packed too. Kai tried to pack himself in a box and we didn't find him until he was quiet for too long and we went looking (expecting disaster) only to find him stuck in a box :) I do have a picture of that, because nice parents free their children from their mistakes. Awesome parents take pictures!
Trailer Shopping 101
There are two rules I've discovered that should be always followed when shopping for trailers.
1: Don't go in 100 degree weather
2: Don't bring the kids!
If you are like us and do bring the kids, then a third rule applies:
3: Assign a DD (because a day shopping with our children invokes heavy drinking)
We broke all these rules.
"Lonnie" had already done his homework and had a 10-point list of required features prioritzed with sub-bullets and presented to me in triplicate when I returned from Alabama. Well, not triplicate, but there were a lot of emails--same thing. My eyes were slightly bloody from all the web browsing for trailers and I just really needed to get inside some because pictures don't do them justice, and since we were going to live for a year in one of these things, I needed to try it on. Just like shoes, I needed to make sure the trailer fit. "Lonnie" and I did a bit of browsing alone, and when we saw some things we liked, we decided to bring the kids. Not because we are gluttons for punishment or were attempting to expose them to the elusive RV culture, but because we wanted our wild, ferrel children to find ALL of the things to break that we would never consider! We wanted to know all the poorly placed buttons and controls, and all the ways in which body parts could be severed by a camper. Only young children can find these types of dangers. It was over 100 degrees and none of the trailers were hooked up to AC, which I think is a terrible flaw in the marketing. I'm more likely to buy when I'm confortable and cool, not when I'm sweating my happiness off. Our kids didn't fail us. The very first trailer we looked at had all the master control switches at floor level! Who does that??! I certainly don't want to get on my hands and knees to prime the water pump, and I really don't want my kids doing it either. Other designs offered similiar failures to consider that a family might actually want to live and survive in a camper. I briefly considered a career switch to 5th wheel interior design because it is soooo apparent that current designers are single, with no children, and have never actually set foot in their designs.
For about 2-3 weeks we were met with constant let-downs by promising designs with major danger flaws or just purely bad layouts, that we considered just living on a sailboat. But we weren't sure if it would be too tall to fit in the campground because of the trees. In the end, we found an almost perfect camper. It has a big kitchen (I mean bigger than most NY City apartments!), a loft for Kai, a toy hauler garage that converts to a bedroom for the twins, a bedroom for us, and enough closet space for my shoes. And no readily apparent dangers, at least none that the kids have found yet (other than the sub woofer power button). So we bought a used camper from a guy whose wife only wanted to stay in hotels. He was very sad to part with his trailer and I think was envious that "Lonnie" had a wife who wanted to live in it! I'll take the adoration :)
1: Don't go in 100 degree weather
2: Don't bring the kids!
If you are like us and do bring the kids, then a third rule applies:
3: Assign a DD (because a day shopping with our children invokes heavy drinking)
We broke all these rules.
"Lonnie" had already done his homework and had a 10-point list of required features prioritzed with sub-bullets and presented to me in triplicate when I returned from Alabama. Well, not triplicate, but there were a lot of emails--same thing. My eyes were slightly bloody from all the web browsing for trailers and I just really needed to get inside some because pictures don't do them justice, and since we were going to live for a year in one of these things, I needed to try it on. Just like shoes, I needed to make sure the trailer fit. "Lonnie" and I did a bit of browsing alone, and when we saw some things we liked, we decided to bring the kids. Not because we are gluttons for punishment or were attempting to expose them to the elusive RV culture, but because we wanted our wild, ferrel children to find ALL of the things to break that we would never consider! We wanted to know all the poorly placed buttons and controls, and all the ways in which body parts could be severed by a camper. Only young children can find these types of dangers. It was over 100 degrees and none of the trailers were hooked up to AC, which I think is a terrible flaw in the marketing. I'm more likely to buy when I'm confortable and cool, not when I'm sweating my happiness off. Our kids didn't fail us. The very first trailer we looked at had all the master control switches at floor level! Who does that??! I certainly don't want to get on my hands and knees to prime the water pump, and I really don't want my kids doing it either. Other designs offered similiar failures to consider that a family might actually want to live and survive in a camper. I briefly considered a career switch to 5th wheel interior design because it is soooo apparent that current designers are single, with no children, and have never actually set foot in their designs.
For about 2-3 weeks we were met with constant let-downs by promising designs with major danger flaws or just purely bad layouts, that we considered just living on a sailboat. But we weren't sure if it would be too tall to fit in the campground because of the trees. In the end, we found an almost perfect camper. It has a big kitchen (I mean bigger than most NY City apartments!), a loft for Kai, a toy hauler garage that converts to a bedroom for the twins, a bedroom for us, and enough closet space for my shoes. And no readily apparent dangers, at least none that the kids have found yet (other than the sub woofer power button). So we bought a used camper from a guy whose wife only wanted to stay in hotels. He was very sad to part with his trailer and I think was envious that "Lonnie" had a wife who wanted to live in it! I'll take the adoration :)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
OK, we must know WHY!!
The purpose of this blog is to relay the upcoming insanity that will ensue due to the fact that we are going to live in a 5th-wheel camping trailer in Alabama for 1 year. With our 3 young children. Collective *sigh*. And to be clear, from the moment I was selected for this school, I've been telling everyone that I was hoping to do something different in regards to our living situation since it was just a year. I meant 'city loft' or 'unique suburb'. So here's how that whole crazy decision came about...(insert Wayne's World flashback noise!)
It's June and I'm in Alabama for an orientation to the program that I'm going to be attending. I was selected for a pretty prestigous military school and they wanted all the Reserve and National Guard people to come early for a writing test. I'm not kidding, we really did take a test. Oh, and it was also to give us a chance to explore the surrounding metropolis of Montgomery and find all the book stores and beer on tap. That took 2 minutes because there are none! Just kidding, there was a book store. I'm not really knocking Alabama because in my heart, the Civil War history of the region is just calling my name, "Kelly, there are old dusty archives to be explored...Kelly, come be in our re-enacment..." and other things that cause normal people to already be asleep. Anyway, I'm at orientation and a bit bored, so I'm texting my loving husband "Lonnie", who will heretofor just be "Lonnie". The speaker at the front was talking about different housing options for us to consider for the year, and the base campground was mentioned. Here is the actual text conversation (yes, I kept it!):
Me: Morning
Me: We need to live in fam camp here! Only 400 a month
Him: Morning
Him: What's fam camp?
Me: It's the camp site on base and apparently people buy trailers and live there
Him: We could totally get that van [SNL fans will get this]
Me: Totally
Him: Could buy a 5th wheel and a dually pickup for the same money that we would spend on rent
Me: Let's consider it [I don't hear back for a while]
Me: Are you busy shopping for trailers now
Him: Not yet
Me: I wasn't totally serious, what the hell would we do with all our crap?
Him: Too late, just ordered one
He didn't really, but the conversation was started and I was intrigued enough to go our to the campground and check it out. One of my new friends, Sherri, is a single gal who bought a trailer on site and was already living in it. It had the apt name of Cougar printed all over the front. I met a family of 6 who had been living in their 5th wheel for about 8 months and the kids were not as ferrel as mine are, so I figured someone must emerge from this adventure well-adjusted. I actually liked the location enough that once "Lonnie" and I had spoken further we decided to take a chance and do it.
I spent the next few days getting the kid care situation settled and opening a mailbox, all the while "Lonnie" is in man-heaven shopping for large trucks and toys. The type of toys that cost partial mortgages. I set a budget. Regardless of the budget, there will never be a time that I will spend an equal amount of money on shoes that "Lonnie" is getting in man-toys. Ergo, the decree was made that should I be "the best wife in existance" and live in this trailer for a year, that I will be allowed to buy as many shoes as I want for the rest of my life without ever getting slack for it or being denied all the closet space I need for said shoes.
The other ladies I met at orientation, besides Sherri, thought I was truly insane and didn't fail to remind me of that fact quite often. So I went to Facebook for the opinion of people who know and love me best. And you all failed me!! When I posted that we were considering the trailer, I was hoping for the "you're crazy" or "what are you thinking" posts. But no. You people encouraged me, which in turn encouraged "Lonnie", and all hope was lost. As a matter of fact, I was also told that I needed to start a blog about it, because my best friend Sue lives vicariously through my adventures (she totally said that too!). I believe there were also a few "cool" and "where's the pictures" posts as well. Of course, ya'll know me best and a life less ordinary is the normal operating state at our house.
So there you have it, the story of how it came to be. More to come on trailer shopping, packing, broken bones, and other pre-moving shannanigans (somebody no one gets pistol-whipped).
It's June and I'm in Alabama for an orientation to the program that I'm going to be attending. I was selected for a pretty prestigous military school and they wanted all the Reserve and National Guard people to come early for a writing test. I'm not kidding, we really did take a test. Oh, and it was also to give us a chance to explore the surrounding metropolis of Montgomery and find all the book stores and beer on tap. That took 2 minutes because there are none! Just kidding, there was a book store. I'm not really knocking Alabama because in my heart, the Civil War history of the region is just calling my name, "Kelly, there are old dusty archives to be explored...Kelly, come be in our re-enacment..." and other things that cause normal people to already be asleep. Anyway, I'm at orientation and a bit bored, so I'm texting my loving husband "Lonnie", who will heretofor just be "Lonnie". The speaker at the front was talking about different housing options for us to consider for the year, and the base campground was mentioned. Here is the actual text conversation (yes, I kept it!):
Me: Morning
Me: We need to live in fam camp here! Only 400 a month
Him: Morning
Him: What's fam camp?
Me: It's the camp site on base and apparently people buy trailers and live there
Him: We could totally get that van [SNL fans will get this]
Me: Totally
Him: Could buy a 5th wheel and a dually pickup for the same money that we would spend on rent
Me: Let's consider it [I don't hear back for a while]
Me: Are you busy shopping for trailers now
Him: Not yet
Me: I wasn't totally serious, what the hell would we do with all our crap?
Him: Too late, just ordered one
He didn't really, but the conversation was started and I was intrigued enough to go our to the campground and check it out. One of my new friends, Sherri, is a single gal who bought a trailer on site and was already living in it. It had the apt name of Cougar printed all over the front. I met a family of 6 who had been living in their 5th wheel for about 8 months and the kids were not as ferrel as mine are, so I figured someone must emerge from this adventure well-adjusted. I actually liked the location enough that once "Lonnie" and I had spoken further we decided to take a chance and do it.
I spent the next few days getting the kid care situation settled and opening a mailbox, all the while "Lonnie" is in man-heaven shopping for large trucks and toys. The type of toys that cost partial mortgages. I set a budget. Regardless of the budget, there will never be a time that I will spend an equal amount of money on shoes that "Lonnie" is getting in man-toys. Ergo, the decree was made that should I be "the best wife in existance" and live in this trailer for a year, that I will be allowed to buy as many shoes as I want for the rest of my life without ever getting slack for it or being denied all the closet space I need for said shoes.
The other ladies I met at orientation, besides Sherri, thought I was truly insane and didn't fail to remind me of that fact quite often. So I went to Facebook for the opinion of people who know and love me best. And you all failed me!! When I posted that we were considering the trailer, I was hoping for the "you're crazy" or "what are you thinking" posts. But no. You people encouraged me, which in turn encouraged "Lonnie", and all hope was lost. As a matter of fact, I was also told that I needed to start a blog about it, because my best friend Sue lives vicariously through my adventures (she totally said that too!). I believe there were also a few "cool" and "where's the pictures" posts as well. Of course, ya'll know me best and a life less ordinary is the normal operating state at our house.
So there you have it, the story of how it came to be. More to come on trailer shopping, packing, broken bones, and other pre-moving shannanigans (somebody no one gets pistol-whipped).
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